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Quick note... This entry had been languishing in draft mode since last August. Aside from formatting the html and adding the graphic, I haven't done much else with it. The reason why is because I don't want my story to read like some self-congratulatory heap of crap. Sharing my story honestly is probably going to happen over a course of controlled "purgings." Anyway, welcome to its beginning, somewhere in the middle.
Dear Pre-recovery Chris,
In a few days, events are going to unfold which will drop your arrogant ass into a position of shame and reckoning. I, your future self, cannot reveal what's about to transpire, but in years to come, you'll agree that this event was inevitable. Thing is, there are some nuggets of hope, courage, and wisdom that if you trust in the upcoming process, they will enrich your life more than you can possibly imagine now.
Let's look at the facts:
- This double-life you've been running entirely on self-will, is killing you.
- You have few meaningful relationships with anyone outside of your microscopic circle of trust.
- No amount of any drug, activity, object, or person is enough any more, to drown out the insanity in your head, or to fill that insatiable void at the core of your being. All your crutches have stopped working and you're desperate for an exit strategy. Any exit, even one that's irreversible.
- Secretly, you have been wondering if it's possible for you to experience recovery again.
Okay, while this list isn't pretty, it's not hopeless. Please understand that you didn't get to this point overnight. If you choose to get clean again, it is going to take quite some time and work to see improvement. Desperation will not be enough to get you better. Jails, nut huts, and cemeteries are full of addicts in worse shape than you.
