Memorial Day 2013

Today marks consecutive daily reprieve number 6,560. This time of year, and specifically Memorial Day, still remains particularly challenging for my husband and I. We both have loved ones in Arlington National Cemetery. Also, a few days from now will be the 18th anniversary of when Tommy left this plane for The Big Meeting. A few weeks ago I learned from another beloved old-timer that at least one of the Capitol Beltway's other Recovery Warriors has joined him.

It's been said time and again that life's two constants are death and taxes. Sometimes I gotta wonder though, how dead is dead? I mean, think about this for a moment. If a message, an idea, or an action remains in play, it's not really extinct, now is it? The recovery equivalent of this concept is that an activity cannot be called an "old behavior" if it's still a regular occurrence. Same logic applies similarly to subjective concepts such as ideas and messages. So, how "dead is dead" again?

Here's the part of this entry which explains its selected images. History is full of unsung heroes. It usually isn't until some time after their passing that they get their due recognition, at least indirectly. On this Memorial Day, in addition to our late, upstanding American service personnel, I'd like to pay tribute to another distinguished individual who still means the world to me.

Wiley, or "Pop-pop" to my cousins and I, was the best grandfather any kid could ever hope for. If there's anything to genetics, it is he who remains my first true mentor.

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For the clueless wonders, Rotors: I,II,III, Start positions: B,D,G
If that's still not enough, read this entry's source. Got it? Good.

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The blockquote below is a mildly redacted copy-and-paste of a September 2008 email from one of my uncles.

I just got off the phone with [name redacted], one of dad's pals from the intelligence/crypto days.

I am in tears of relief because i can reveal to all of you what i have been trying to find out... What our father did to be awarded the Legion of Merit that he was so proud of.

I had written to Senator Nelson for the answer, but his response was that a fire in the late 1980s destroyed all records from WW2!

[redacted] has just confirmed that our father, a sargeant in the army, was the one who broke the japanese diplomatic/naval codes and most likely, by himself alone, caused the triumph in world war 2 !!!

I can't tell you how proud i am of him...how he could carry that tremendous accomplishment to his grave shows what a great man he was.

I couldn't wait to share this with all of you. Thank God for people like him. Now he can rest in peace knowing how much we admire him as a Father, Husband and true Patriot.

Now, I too, can rest in peace...[uncle]

Stop Perpetuating Faux Sainthood

Dismayed at the increase of people in recovery, who act like their personal brand is more important than being genuinely human. See: #EgoFag — fugi #AmeriSec (@fugitive247) May 8, 2013 IF THE IMAGE ABOVE OFFENDS YOU, KEEP READING

Can somebody please tell me who started the myth that people in recovery are expected to be saintly? Anybody? Hello?

**cue crickets**

Yeah, that's what I thought. So then, why do old-timers especially, seem to get put up on pedestals? From where does this misplaced idolatry come and why does this fallacy of holiness continue unabated?

It was only a little over a century ago that a handful of similarly troubled individuals struggled to connect for the sole purpose of, well... not dying from an addiction, one day at a time.

A lot has happened since 1908, but rather than rehash early recovery history, let's fast forward a bit.

If our original pioneers could see the recovery landscape today, what might their overall assessment be? Of course, this line of pondering leads down the alleyways of "Could Have," "Would Have," and "Should Have." Still, it is a worthwhile question if for no other reason than to encourage those of us on the path today, to examine our realities and priorities.

Yes, this careens broadly into areas which cannot and, really, should not be given credible voice only to those with arguable degrees of authority. I have a voice and I am not afraid to use it. Ready? Here we go!

Today, on what marks my 6,547th consecutive day (and a million nights) in recovery, here's only a smidgeon of how I see the overall faux sainthood equation:

• Time (quantity) ≠ Guru (quality)
• Books, speaker circuit, etc. ≠ Guru (quality)
• Service positions, sponsees, etc. ≠ Guru (quality)
• Certification(s) ≠ Proven Application
• ODOP (One Disease One Program) does not work for everybody
• No single recovery program is better than any other, nor are their practitioners
• Mode of expression, occasional swearing ≠ lack of recovery quality

So, what do I consider to be the hallmarks of quality in recovery? In all fairness, I can only offer my experience, strength, hope, and pieces of practical education gleaned along the way. Below, is a quick rundown based on the list above.

• All I really have is this today; I've just been blessed with a lot of them
• Yes, time permitting, I blog. If I write a book some day, it will be primarily fiction. I do not believe in recovery-related appearances for financial gain.
• Opinion: If one feels the need for recognition of their service activities, maybe he/she ought to look at possible ego issues.
• Metaphor for professional or educational accreditation... Putting a saddle on a hamster will not produce a horse.
• There isn't necessarily a one-size-fits-all recovery solution for everyone, so who am I to judge?
• Territorial pissing contests over such matters are as stupid as having an all-out knife fight on an inflatable life boat.
• If you read this whole post and still want to judge me on the image, guess what? Not my fucking problem, sweetheart. ;-)