Dopeless Voter

U.S. Presidential Election meditation: I will continue to put my recovery first, just for today, no matter what.

For various reasons, up until now I have chosen to stay fairly quiet regarding my position on the upcoming U.S. presidential election. Throughout the recovery community, over the past couple of years we've collectively shared some ongoing growing pains. In my opinion, one of the most significant changes continues to be the shifting tide of the importance of anonymity. Of course, it's a delicate transition, trying to find a healthy mid-ground while also striving to eradicate common negative stereotypes of addiction and recovery.

So today, on my 6,354th consecutive daily reprieve from the horrors of active disease, I find myself driven to drop this fact bomb: For better or worse, many addicts -- in and out of recovery -- do vote.

What follows was compelled by a recent exchange between my non-addict, real life "bestie" of 25+ years and I, and this great piece by Marc Ensign on How To Stop Being Such A [Blog] Pussy. Do note that all opinions on this page (and throughout Dopeless Enigmaniac) are my own, and they are not meant to represent the views or policies of any organized recovery entity.

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Please, before you make any final decision about for whom you will vote, do a little reading about United Nations Agenda 21. That's the big ball o' wax which Obama and predecessors have systematically set in motion over the past several decades. Look at how NDAA 2012 section 1021 violates the U.S. Constitution in furtherance of the United Nations' agenda.

"Sam" character image © CTW

Next, ask yourself why Obama is bristling over NDAA 2013.

Finally, just for giggles, do a web search for Executive Orders signed by our current Grand Poobah -- and Clinton, for that matter. Pardon my colloquial candor, but this shit ain't right and it sure ain't American. To put it the parlance of my Ozarks neighbors, "that dog don't hunt here." (I trust that the gods of proper grammar will forgive me this deliberate transgression.)

"Where the Freedom Was" - Jim Kirwan

All the partisan rhetoric is abject bullshit. What is crucial in this election first and foremost, is to get our nation back to its sovereign status, our Constitutional rights restored and the whole enchilada. Sure, Romney and a majority of his minions may be clueless on numerous issues, but getting our country's ass out of the United Nations isn't one of them. And unfortunately, a vote for a Libertarian, Green, or Independent candidate can only negate votes which could otherwise be cast for either a president who wants to keep digging America's grave, or for one who will empower us rather than continue to enslave us.

Wasn't active addiction slavery enough?

Pros and Cons of Recovery

We're going old school today, kids.

Thank you, Pilot Pens, for reminding me of the intrinsic value of physically putting ink to paper.

Recovery Rocks!!! on Pinterest

Closure Overdue

One month later... Hey, do you have any idea what it's like to have to keep quiet for years about an insane situation? Seriously, there are only two clear cut winners, regardless of the outcome for either the defendant or my family. There will be no justice if we go to trial because, as my attorney so succinctly put it, "[my] family is atypical of those in this region." In other words, even though we were in no way at-fault, the jury will likely be biased against my husband and I because we are educated. Insurance companies, lawyers, and those who promote ignorance as some fucked up source of pride make me wish Daleks were real. Exterminate! Exterminate!

Some people joke about the notion of staying clean on a resentment. While this is certainly nothing I would personally recommend to someone seeking recovery, for me this resentment holds a darker truth. It is my animosity towards that careless driver and the cumulative hell wrought by her actions upon my family that, at times, keeps me fighting for my recovery. To put it bluntly: I'll be dipped in shit before I let the actions of that hillbilly bitch give my disease the opportunity to make me want to use again.

Whether by jury trial or legal settlement, this aspect of the nightmare is nearly done. Thank goodness. The waiting alone (since 2007!!!) has forced my family into a hyper-stagnation, of sorts. We are so ready to resume forward momentum, despite injuries and so forth. In the meantime...

Peace, darlings. I *do* love you. =)

No Matter What

Courage Wolf might be on to something.

Not too long ago, I commented to a friend on Twitter that I hadn't been able to blog for so long that I was dreading the mere notion. He asked why, so I explained in cryptic 140-character increments that the reason was because I couldn't deal with, let alone publicly discuss much of what has happened since last summer.

It was around that time when the blogging itch struck anew. I finally got the gumption to put my Big Girl panties back on, and attempt to at least partially liberate some of the personal madness which had forced a major blogging hiatus. Bolstered by the written words of wisdom from two of my favorite women bloggers, namely Cecily K and Amy G, I sought to earnestly share some of this past year's hard won experience, strength, and hope. Still, there were complications and delays: a few dead laptops, a couple of dead fur kids, a dead well pump, a dead central A/C system, a dead water heater, a dead vehicle, a dying mother-in-law, a marriage that nearly died... To describe the past year as "nightmarish" would be a major understatement.

Did I want to act like a completely raving jackass during most of this time? Fucking-A right I did, and I thought about caving into some pretty negative old behaviors too, including getting shit-faced stupid. And I'd be less than truthful if I claimed that the ultimate escape hadn't seemed like an easy solution at least once or twice. Yes, this past year was that bad.

Somewhere in the great recovery scheme, a dangerous misconception keeps being perpetuated that so-called "old timers" rarely encounter situations which can potentially rock their foundation below sea level. Not true at all -- and to expect anyone to maintain 100% composure during periods of significant crisis, is both unhealthy and wholly unrealistic for everyone, regardless of cleantime. Addiction does not discriminate, kids. Please don't ever forget that. Pretty please.

Don't you dare judge me.

::whew:: Okay, so today, on this 6,227th consecutive daily reprieve (and a million nights), my sincerest wish for all is the realization that it may be quite possible to stay clean, no matter what. And the odds for success increase when one chooses to surround him or herself with others living solution-based lives. Oh, one last thing...

Thanks, family and close friends. I literally could not have made it this far without you. =)

Goodbye, Posterous, etc.

Hello, Blogger. You win. Posterous may have once had potential, but I'm not waiting any longer for them to remedy what now is an undeniably chronic case of rectal-cranial inversion. I am way overdue to resume writing, but it's not like I'm going to resurrect the old MySpace, Multiply, LiveJournal, StumbleUpon, or my other antiquated accounts. No, not even Newsvine. Once upon a time, each of the aforementioned services were viable and -- dare it be said -- cool. Guess what? Coolness only carried them so far.

Here's a fun little question: What seems to be the inevitable fate of a service which, primarily through gross mismanagement, fails to retain its active members?

Answer: That service becomes a useless flaming bag of crap.

Goodbye, useless flaming bags of crap.

Feel free to join me for a cup of coffee while I decide how to redecorate this place.