Closure Overdue

One month later... Hey, do you have any idea what it's like to have to keep quiet for years about an insane situation? Seriously, there are only two clear cut winners, regardless of the outcome for either the defendant or my family. There will be no justice if we go to trial because, as my attorney so succinctly put it, "[my] family is atypical of those in this region." In other words, even though we were in no way at-fault, the jury will likely be biased against my husband and I because we are educated. Insurance companies, lawyers, and those who promote ignorance as some fucked up source of pride make me wish Daleks were real. Exterminate! Exterminate!

Some people joke about the notion of staying clean on a resentment. While this is certainly nothing I would personally recommend to someone seeking recovery, for me this resentment holds a darker truth. It is my animosity towards that careless driver and the cumulative hell wrought by her actions upon my family that, at times, keeps me fighting for my recovery. To put it bluntly: I'll be dipped in shit before I let the actions of that hillbilly bitch give my disease the opportunity to make me want to use again.

Whether by jury trial or legal settlement, this aspect of the nightmare is nearly done. Thank goodness. The waiting alone (since 2007!!!) has forced my family into a hyper-stagnation, of sorts. We are so ready to resume forward momentum, despite injuries and so forth. In the meantime...

Peace, darlings. I *do* love you. =)

No Matter What

Courage Wolf might be on to something.

Not too long ago, I commented to a friend on Twitter that I hadn't been able to blog for so long that I was dreading the mere notion. He asked why, so I explained in cryptic 140-character increments that the reason was because I couldn't deal with, let alone publicly discuss much of what has happened since last summer.

It was around that time when the blogging itch struck anew. I finally got the gumption to put my Big Girl panties back on, and attempt to at least partially liberate some of the personal madness which had forced a major blogging hiatus. Bolstered by the written words of wisdom from two of my favorite women bloggers, namely Cecily K and Amy G, I sought to earnestly share some of this past year's hard won experience, strength, and hope. Still, there were complications and delays: a few dead laptops, a couple of dead fur kids, a dead well pump, a dead central A/C system, a dead water heater, a dead vehicle, a dying mother-in-law, a marriage that nearly died... To describe the past year as "nightmarish" would be a major understatement.

Did I want to act like a completely raving jackass during most of this time? Fucking-A right I did, and I thought about caving into some pretty negative old behaviors too, including getting shit-faced stupid. And I'd be less than truthful if I claimed that the ultimate escape hadn't seemed like an easy solution at least once or twice. Yes, this past year was that bad.

Somewhere in the great recovery scheme, a dangerous misconception keeps being perpetuated that so-called "old timers" rarely encounter situations which can potentially rock their foundation below sea level. Not true at all -- and to expect anyone to maintain 100% composure during periods of significant crisis, is both unhealthy and wholly unrealistic for everyone, regardless of cleantime. Addiction does not discriminate, kids. Please don't ever forget that. Pretty please.

Don't you dare judge me.

::whew:: Okay, so today, on this 6,227th consecutive daily reprieve (and a million nights), my sincerest wish for all is the realization that it may be quite possible to stay clean, no matter what. And the odds for success increase when one chooses to surround him or herself with others living solution-based lives. Oh, one last thing...

Thanks, family and close friends. I literally could not have made it this far without you. =)

Goodbye, Posterous, etc.

Hello, Blogger. You win. Posterous may have once had potential, but I'm not waiting any longer for them to remedy what now is an undeniably chronic case of rectal-cranial inversion. I am way overdue to resume writing, but it's not like I'm going to resurrect the old MySpace, Multiply, LiveJournal, StumbleUpon, or my other antiquated accounts. No, not even Newsvine. Once upon a time, each of the aforementioned services were viable and -- dare it be said -- cool. Guess what? Coolness only carried them so far.

Here's a fun little question: What seems to be the inevitable fate of a service which, primarily through gross mismanagement, fails to retain its active members?

Answer: That service becomes a useless flaming bag of crap.

Goodbye, useless flaming bags of crap.

Feel free to join me for a cup of coffee while I decide how to redecorate this place.

Google+ Nymwars - Restored!

For those just learning about the Google+ suspension this past weekend, of this anonymously recovering individual, I'd be lying if I claimed that I didn't get kind of upset over it. Going on a flat-out tirade however, was not and still isn't a preferable option. Instead, I chose to act rather than to react. It's this same practice of choosing action over reaction which recently led me to cancel my Facebook account (hurrah!).

Plenty of folks have heard me rail over the years, both online and in the rooms, about what I honestly believe is an inherent need to preserve a reasonable yet acceptable level of personal anonymity. Accountability is an essential part of the ethics equation, and a measure of respectable credibility is only earned over the long haul. These principles apply regardless of online or real world venues.

Again, I wish to thank everyone who offered their support, and who continue to press on for sound internet privacy and personal identification policies. It is both an honor and a privilege to be counted as a member of this amazing community. =)

Warmest regards,

Chris O | fugitive247

Google+ Nymwars - Suspended!

The Google+ Real Names police wasted no time suspending my account. Thank you to everyone who's banging the drum regarding how Google+ judges what they consider an acceptable pseudonym. As one can plainly see from this afternoon's screen capture, the alpha-only name was rejected also.

Gee, let's see... So a non-trolling, generally polite, helpful, and witty human who's been running under the same moniker both online and in the real world since 1997 can't get any respect, huh? What's wrong with this picture?

Google+ Nymwars - My Turn!

Re-posted from Google+

Please forgive me if this post shows up beyond whatever circle(s) in which I may currently reside. It is public as well as targeted, so please feel free to re-share.

This eveninref="g, I received the all-dreaded notification that my current nom de guerre is in violation of the Google+ Real Names policy. I have little doubt that the nym by which I've been better known as since 1997, fugitive247, would certainly pass the permissible pseudonym test. There's a catch, though. Alpha-numeric nyms are not accepted within the name fields.

Many of my trusted friends already know the background behind "fugitive247" and why I've fought for more than 15 years to maintain some modicum of personal anonymity online. I will not re-state it within this post. Those who are curious are more than welcome to Google me (fugitive247).

In a private G+ message to +Natalie Villalobos (Aug 6, 2011), I stated the following:

"The Postmaster General of my township's USPS office knows that I, [redacted], am fugitive247 online, and I do answer to "fugi" IRL. Even my verified PayPal account goes to my 15 years-old "fugitive247" [email] account."

If fugitive247 is accepted by the Postmaster General of a United States Postal Service facility, surely there ought to be room for reasonable compromise where the G+ Real Names pseudonym exception is concerned. As the conditions currently stand, even submitting an alpha-only version (fugitive twofourseven) for review now, may likely result in suspension of my Google+ account. That's not exactly fair, is it?

If this matter hasn't reached satisfactory resolution by October 18th, the suspension will go into effect. Thank you for taking the time to read about yet another facet of the Google+ #nymwar

Sincerely,

Chris O., better known as fugitive247

Do dis nym make my butt look big?

(I can has vote pleeze? kthxbai!)

Will the Nym Wars ever arrive at some semblance of a reasonable compromise? Like a lot of folks these days, I tend to avoid commenting on this matter in the location where it's still being hotly contested, namely Google+. Why? Because, for the time being, I am still in violation of their anti-pseudonym policy. If this wasn't such an important issue, then as of this entry, why does a Google search query for nym wars yield around 1,560,000 results?

Don't get me wrong, I adore Google+ despite their insistence upon use of "real names." What confounds me is the myopic lack of general understanding why pseudonym use is indeed valid and necessary. Even one of America's best known founders, Benjamin Franklin, periodically used some clever noms de guerre. I can't help but wonder what Mr. Franklin would have to say about today's forced erosion of privacy, and subsequently, free speech.

About a month ago, I took a bit of risk by becoming personally proactive in self-defense. I privately contacted a Google+ VIP directly involved with the project and "came out" as it were. I also started a growing G+ circle of Google VIPs. That circle, along with my circles of veteran Newsvine alums, and my "besties" have permission to view my real name in "Other names." Not that I expect my offering to spare me from the public real names guillotine, however it's still better than doing nothing but debating endlessly in what's becoming a drone of white noise. As stated in the previous entry, my ego really isn't *that* big.