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Recovery Info > Resources > Dopeless Enigmaniac

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XVIII Years Clean!

Concentric pink neon hearts and a goofy little flower because, screw you - it's my birthday! ♥ ;-)

Sometimes, I really envy newcomers. Yes, this probably sounds kind of crazy coming from an addict who's celebrating eighteen years clean today. A whole lot can happen over the course of 6,575 consecutive daily reprieves. Although each day clean is a win, some are more victorious than others. This seems more in accordance with early recovery though, not that I want to ever have to use again, just for today. Chances of me surviving another run are probably pretty slim anyway.

Being a newcomer, regardless of whether a first-timer or re-tread, actually sucks except for one thing: newcomers are granted more latitude if for no other reason than that their screwing up somehow, is anticipated. Derp allowances for those of us who have been at this a while, aren't nearly as generous - unless one is very old.

In or outside the context of recovery though, it seems that more and more people are being forced into "newcomer" kinds of roles. Between politics and economics, there's a growing population of society's former contributors finding themselves stuck in long-term unemployment or under-employment. Their sense of self worth all but abandoned, many face the new, previously unthinkable options of having to accept public assistance in some form. Those who remain fortunate enough to survive without losing their families, homes, and other tangible assets are indeed blessed.

Here's where the newcomer disparity draws laser-precise focus. In a productive and healthy recovery community, its newcomers are generally made to feel welcome and reasonable efforts are made to ensure that the newcomer receives the information, skills, tools, and support necessary to become proactive in his or her quest to succeed. Similar can barely be said of our so-called "civilization" which festers beyond the scope and context of recovery.

In recovery we are taught to "carry the message, not the addict." This practical caution has been popularized as a safeguard to remind ourselves that no one should be given an indefinite "free ride." At some point the newcomer will be expected to progress sufficiently enough to become a productive member of society. In our best case scenarios, these former "newcomers" also manage to "pay forward" the practical compassion which had been so freely given to them, to other newcomers. As the recovery truism continues to be said, "we can only keep what we have by giving it away." Maybe one day, so-called "civilization" will truly embrace this principle and make its application go viral. ♥ =)

Memorial Day 2013

Today marks consecutive daily reprieve number 6,560. This time of year, and specifically Memorial Day, still remains particularly challenging for my husband and I. We both have loved ones in Arlington National Cemetery. Also, a few days from now will be the 18th anniversary of when Tommy left this plane for The Big Meeting. A few weeks ago I learned from another beloved old-timer that at least one of the Capitol Beltway's other Recovery Warriors has joined him.

It's been said time and again that life's two constants are death and taxes. Sometimes I gotta wonder though, how dead is dead? I mean, think about this for a moment. If a message, an idea, or an action remains in play, it's not really extinct, now is it? The recovery equivalent of this concept is that an activity cannot be called an "old behavior" if it's still a regular occurrence. Same logic applies similarly to subjective concepts such as ideas and messages. So, how "dead is dead" again?

Here's the part of this entry which explains its selected images. History is full of unsung heroes. It usually isn't until some time after their passing that they get their due recognition, at least indirectly. On this Memorial Day, in addition to our late, upstanding American service personnel, I'd like to pay tribute to another distinguished individual who still means the world to me.

Wiley, or "Pop-pop" to my cousins and I, was the best grandfather any kid could ever hope for. If there's anything to genetics, it is he who remains my first true mentor.

XMKKEMSXVFQILFLUFQSSTEBTNURYWJZVWYUZYHUIYBOXKNGQQDUDSCQEXBMDLNKYIBRDURFTTZZGZNYYBPDBLHF

For the clueless wonders, Rotors: I,II,III, Start positions: B,D,G
If that's still not enough, read this entry's source. Got it? Good.

---

The blockquote below is a mildly redacted copy-and-paste of a September 2008 email from one of my uncles.

I just got off the phone with [name redacted], one of dad's pals from the intelligence/crypto days.

I am in tears of relief because i can reveal to all of you what i have been trying to find out... What our father did to be awarded the Legion of Merit that he was so proud of.

I had written to Senator Nelson for the answer, but his response was that a fire in the late 1980s destroyed all records from WW2!

[redacted] has just confirmed that our father, a sargeant in the army, was the one who broke the japanese diplomatic/naval codes and most likely, by himself alone, caused the triumph in world war 2 !!!

I can't tell you how proud i am of him...how he could carry that tremendous accomplishment to his grave shows what a great man he was.

I couldn't wait to share this with all of you. Thank God for people like him. Now he can rest in peace knowing how much we admire him as a Father, Husband and true Patriot.

Now, I too, can rest in peace...[uncle]

Stop Perpetuating Faux Sainthood

Dismayed at the increase of people in recovery, who act like their personal brand is more important than being genuinely human. See: #EgoFag — fugi #AmeriSec (@fugitive247) May 8, 2013 IF THE IMAGE ABOVE OFFENDS YOU, KEEP READING

Can somebody please tell me who started the myth that people in recovery are expected to be saintly? Anybody? Hello?

**cue crickets**

Yeah, that's what I thought. So then, why do old-timers especially, seem to get put up on pedestals? From where does this misplaced idolatry come and why does this fallacy of holiness continue unabated?

It was only a little over a century ago that a handful of similarly troubled individuals struggled to connect for the sole purpose of, well... not dying from an addiction, one day at a time.

A lot has happened since 1908, but rather than rehash early recovery history, let's fast forward a bit.

If our original pioneers could see the recovery landscape today, what might their overall assessment be? Of course, this line of pondering leads down the alleyways of "Could Have," "Would Have," and "Should Have." Still, it is a worthwhile question if for no other reason than to encourage those of us on the path today, to examine our realities and priorities.

Yes, this careens broadly into areas which cannot and, really, should not be given credible voice only to those with arguable degrees of authority. I have a voice and I am not afraid to use it. Ready? Here we go!

Today, on what marks my 6,547th consecutive day (and a million nights) in recovery, here's only a smidgeon of how I see the overall faux sainthood equation:

• Time (quantity) ≠ Guru (quality)
• Books, speaker circuit, etc. ≠ Guru (quality)
• Service positions, sponsees, etc. ≠ Guru (quality)
• Certification(s) ≠ Proven Application
• ODOP (One Disease One Program) does not work for everybody
• No single recovery program is better than any other, nor are their practitioners
• Mode of expression, occasional swearing ≠ lack of recovery quality

So, what do I consider to be the hallmarks of quality in recovery? In all fairness, I can only offer my experience, strength, hope, and pieces of practical education gleaned along the way. Below, is a quick rundown based on the list above.

• All I really have is this today; I've just been blessed with a lot of them
• Yes, time permitting, I blog. If I write a book some day, it will be primarily fiction. I do not believe in recovery-related appearances for financial gain.
• Opinion: If one feels the need for recognition of their service activities, maybe he/she ought to look at possible ego issues.
• Metaphor for professional or educational accreditation... Putting a saddle on a hamster will not produce a horse.
• There isn't necessarily a one-size-fits-all recovery solution for everyone, so who am I to judge?
• Territorial pissing contests over such matters are as stupid as having an all-out knife fight on an inflatable life boat.
• If you read this whole post and still want to judge me on the image, guess what? Not my fucking problem, sweetheart. ;-)

Dear Pre-recovery Chris

Quick note... This entry had been languishing in draft mode since last August. Aside from formatting the html and adding the graphic, I haven't done much else with it. The reason why is because I don't want my story to read like some self-congratulatory heap of crap. Sharing my story honestly is probably going to happen over a course of controlled "purgings." Anyway, welcome to its beginning, somewhere in the middle.

---

Dear Pre-recovery Chris,

In a few days, events are going to unfold which will drop your arrogant ass into a position of shame and reckoning. I, your future self, cannot reveal what's about to transpire, but in years to come, you'll agree that this event was inevitable. Thing is, there are some nuggets of hope, courage, and wisdom that if you trust in the upcoming process, they will enrich your life more than you can possibly imagine now.

Let's look at the facts:

1. This double-life you've been running entirely on self-will, is killing you.
2. You have few meaningful relationships with anyone outside of your microscopic circle of trust.
3. No amount of any drug, activity, object, or person is enough any more, to drown out the insanity in your head, or to fill that insatiable void at the core of your being. All your crutches have stopped working and you're desperate for an exit strategy. Any exit, even one that's irreversible.
4. Secretly, you have been wondering if it's possible for you to experience recovery again.

Okay, while this list isn't pretty, it's not hopeless. Please understand that you didn't get to this point overnight. If you choose to get clean again, it is going to take quite some time and work to see improvement. Desperation will not be enough to get you better. Jails, nut huts, and cemeteries are full of addicts in worse shape than you.

Ditching Denial

I watched and waited silently for years, until I could remain silent no longer.

Really, don't tell me that you didn't see this coming. In my gut I'd known for a long time that I'd have to step up. There comes a point when the pain of stagnation usurps that of self-imposed suppression. I won't go into the how and why in this post. For now, let's just say I got tired of wearing the key to my own cage, around my neck. Countless thanks to all of you who kept giving me way too many reasons to finally use it. You totally rock my world. ♥

Dopeless Voter

U.S. Presidential Election meditation: I will continue to put my recovery first, just for today, no matter what.

For various reasons, up until now I have chosen to stay fairly quiet regarding my position on the upcoming U.S. presidential election. Throughout the recovery community, over the past couple of years we've collectively shared some ongoing growing pains. In my opinion, one of the most significant changes continues to be the shifting tide of the importance of anonymity. Of course, it's a delicate transition, trying to find a healthy mid-ground while also striving to eradicate common negative stereotypes of addiction and recovery.

So today, on my 6,354th consecutive daily reprieve from the horrors of active disease, I find myself driven to drop this fact bomb: For better or worse, many addicts -- in and out of recovery -- do vote.

What follows was compelled by a recent exchange between my non-addict, real life "bestie" of 25+ years and I, and this great piece by Marc Ensign on How To Stop Being Such A [Blog] Pussy. Do note that all opinions on this page (and throughout Dopeless Enigmaniac) are my own, and they are not meant to represent the views or policies of any organized recovery entity.

---

Please, before you make any final decision about for whom you will vote, do a little reading about United Nations Agenda 21. That's the big ball o' wax which Obama and predecessors have systematically set in motion over the past several decades. Look at how NDAA 2012 section 1021 violates the U.S. Constitution in furtherance of the United Nations' agenda.

"Sam" character image © CTW

Next, ask yourself why Obama is bristling over NDAA 2013.

Finally, just for giggles, do a web search for Executive Orders signed by our current Grand Poobah -- and Clinton, for that matter. Pardon my colloquial candor, but this shit ain't right and it sure ain't American. To put it the parlance of my Ozarks neighbors, "that dog don't hunt here." (I trust that the gods of proper grammar will forgive me this deliberate transgression.)

"Where the Freedom Was" - Jim Kirwan

All the partisan rhetoric is abject bullshit. What is crucial in this election first and foremost, is to get our nation back to its sovereign status, our Constitutional rights restored and the whole enchilada. Sure, Romney and a majority of his minions may be clueless on numerous issues, but getting our country's ass out of the United Nations isn't one of them. And unfortunately, a vote for a Libertarian, Green, or Independent candidate can only negate votes which could otherwise be cast for either a president who wants to keep digging America's grave, or for one who will empower us rather than continue to enslave us.

Wasn't active addiction slavery enough?

Pros and Cons of Recovery

We're going old school today, kids.

Thank you, Pilot Pens, for reminding me of the intrinsic value of physically putting ink to paper.

Recovery Rocks!!! on Pinterest

Closure Overdue

One month later... Hey, do you have any idea what it's like to have to keep quiet for years about an insane situation? Seriously, there are only two clear cut winners, regardless of the outcome for either the defendant or my family. There will be no justice if we go to trial because, as my attorney so succinctly put it, "[my] family is atypical of those in this region." In other words, even though we were in no way at-fault, the jury will likely be biased against my husband and I because we are educated. Insurance companies, lawyers, and those who promote ignorance as some fucked up source of pride make me wish Daleks were real. Exterminate! Exterminate!

Some people joke about the notion of staying clean on a resentment. While this is certainly nothing I would personally recommend to someone seeking recovery, for me this resentment holds a darker truth. It is my animosity towards that careless driver and the cumulative hell wrought by her actions upon my family that, at times, keeps me fighting for my recovery. To put it bluntly: I'll be dipped in shit before I let the actions of that hillbilly bitch give my disease the opportunity to make me want to use again.

Whether by jury trial or legal settlement, this aspect of the nightmare is nearly done. Thank goodness. The waiting alone (since 2007!!!) has forced my family into a hyper-stagnation, of sorts. We are so ready to resume forward momentum, despite injuries and so forth. In the meantime...

Peace, darlings. I *do* love you. =)

No Matter What

Courage Wolf might be on to something.

Not too long ago, I commented to a friend on Twitter that I hadn't been able to blog for so long that I was dreading the mere notion. He asked why, so I explained in cryptic 140-character increments that the reason was because I couldn't deal with, let alone publicly discuss much of what has happened since last summer.

It was around that time when the blogging itch struck anew. I finally got the gumption to put my Big Girl panties back on, and attempt to at least partially liberate some of the personal madness which had forced a major blogging hiatus. Bolstered by the written words of wisdom from two of my favorite women bloggers, namely Cecily K and Amy G, I sought to earnestly share some of this past year's hard won experience, strength, and hope. Still, there were complications and delays: a few dead laptops, a couple of dead fur kids, a dead well pump, a dead central A/C system, a dead water heater, a dead vehicle, a dying mother-in-law, a marriage that nearly died... To describe the past year as "nightmarish" would be a major understatement.

Did I want to act like a completely raving jackass during most of this time? Fucking-A right I did, and I thought about caving into some pretty negative old behaviors too, including getting shit-faced stupid. And I'd be less than truthful if I claimed that the ultimate escape hadn't seemed like an easy solution at least once or twice. Yes, this past year was that bad.

Somewhere in the great recovery scheme, a dangerous misconception keeps being perpetuated that so-called "old timers" rarely encounter situations which can potentially rock their foundation below sea level. Not true at all -- and to expect anyone to maintain 100% composure during periods of significant crisis, is both unhealthy and wholly unrealistic for everyone, regardless of cleantime. Addiction does not discriminate, kids. Please don't ever forget that. Pretty please.

Don't you dare judge me.

::whew:: Okay, so today, on this 6,227th consecutive daily reprieve (and a million nights), my sincerest wish for all is the realization that it may be quite possible to stay clean, no matter what. And the odds for success increase when one chooses to surround him or herself with others living solution-based lives. Oh, one last thing...

Thanks, family and close friends. I literally could not have made it this far without you. =)

Goodbye, Posterous, etc.

Hello, Blogger. You win. Posterous may have once had potential, but I'm not waiting any longer for them to remedy what now is an undeniably chronic case of rectal-cranial inversion. I am way overdue to resume writing, but it's not like I'm going to resurrect the old MySpace, Multiply, LiveJournal, StumbleUpon, or my other antiquated accounts. No, not even Newsvine. Once upon a time, each of the aforementioned services were viable and -- dare it be said -- cool. Guess what? Coolness only carried them so far.

Here's a fun little question: What seems to be the inevitable fate of a service which, primarily through gross mismanagement, fails to retain its active members?

Answer: That service becomes a useless flaming bag of crap.

Goodbye, useless flaming bags of crap.

Feel free to join me for a cup of coffee while I decide how to redecorate this place.

Google+ Nymwars - Restored!

For those just learning about the Google+ suspension this past weekend, of this anonymously recovering individual, I'd be lying if I claimed that I didn't get kind of upset over it. Going on a flat-out tirade however, was not and still isn't a preferable option. Instead, I chose to act rather than to react. It's this same practice of choosing action over reaction which recently led me to cancel my Facebook account (hurrah!).

Plenty of folks have heard me rail over the years, both online and in the rooms, about what I honestly believe is an inherent need to preserve a reasonable yet acceptable level of personal anonymity. Accountability is an essential part of the ethics equation, and a measure of respectable credibility is only earned over the long haul. These principles apply regardless of online or real world venues.

Again, I wish to thank everyone who offered their support, and who continue to press on for sound internet privacy and personal identification policies. It is both an honor and a privilege to be counted as a member of this amazing community. =)

Warmest regards,

Chris O | fugitive247

Google+ Nymwars - Suspended!

The Google+ Real Names police wasted no time suspending my account. Thank you to everyone who's banging the drum regarding how Google+ judges what they consider an acceptable pseudonym. As one can plainly see from this afternoon's screen capture, the alpha-only name was rejected also.

Gee, let's see... So a non-trolling, generally polite, helpful, and witty human who's been running under the same moniker both online and in the real world since 1997 can't get any respect, huh? What's wrong with this picture?

Google+ Nymwars - My Turn!

Re-posted from Google+

Please forgive me if this post shows up beyond whatever circle(s) in which I may currently reside. It is public as well as targeted, so please feel free to re-share.

This eveninref="g, I received the all-dreaded notification that my current nom de guerre is in violation of the Google+ Real Names policy. I have little doubt that the nym by which I've been better known as since 1997, fugitive247, would certainly pass the permissible pseudonym test. There's a catch, though. Alpha-numeric nyms are not accepted within the name fields.

Many of my trusted friends already know the background behind "fugitive247" and why I've fought for more than 15 years to maintain some modicum of personal anonymity online. I will not re-state it within this post. Those who are curious are more than welcome to Google me (fugitive247).

In a private G+ message to +Natalie Villalobos (Aug 6, 2011), I stated the following:

"The Postmaster General of my township's USPS office knows that I, [redacted], am fugitive247 online, and I do answer to "fugi" IRL. Even my verified PayPal account goes to my 15 years-old "fugitive247" [email] account."

If fugitive247 is accepted by the Postmaster General of a United States Postal Service facility, surely there ought to be room for reasonable compromise where the G+ Real Names pseudonym exception is concerned. As the conditions currently stand, even submitting an alpha-only version (fugitive twofourseven) for review now, may likely result in suspension of my Google+ account. That's not exactly fair, is it?

If this matter hasn't reached satisfactory resolution by October 18th, the suspension will go into effect. Thank you for taking the time to read about yet another facet of the Google+ #nymwar

Sincerely,

Chris O., better known as fugitive247

Do dis nym make my butt look big?

(I can has vote pleeze? kthxbai!)

Will the Nym Wars ever arrive at some semblance of a reasonable compromise? Like a lot of folks these days, I tend to avoid commenting on this matter in the location where it's still being hotly contested, namely Google+. Why? Because, for the time being, I am still in violation of their anti-pseudonym policy. If this wasn't such an important issue, then as of this entry, why does a Google search query for nym wars yield around 1,560,000 results?

Don't get me wrong, I adore Google+ despite their insistence upon use of "real names." What confounds me is the myopic lack of general understanding why pseudonym use is indeed valid and necessary. Even one of America's best known founders, Benjamin Franklin, periodically used some clever noms de guerre. I can't help but wonder what Mr. Franklin would have to say about today's forced erosion of privacy, and subsequently, free speech.

About a month ago, I took a bit of risk by becoming personally proactive in self-defense. I privately contacted a Google+ VIP directly involved with the project and "came out" as it were. I also started a growing G+ circle of Google VIPs. That circle, along with my circles of veteran Newsvine alums, and my "besties" have permission to view my real name in "Other names." Not that I expect my offering to spare me from the public real names guillotine, however it's still better than doing nothing but debating endlessly in what's becoming a drone of white noise. As stated in the previous entry, my ego really isn't *that* big.

Anxiety in Dystopia

It seems like ages since the last entry, and even that one didn't feel adequate. I'm not pushing this entry to any of my social networks. If anyone who happens across tonight's little slice of weirdness likes it, please feel free to spread some link love, thanks.

With regard to the last entry, the practical application of "The Spirituality of Whatever" does have its limitations. Like now. There's a saying in the rooms that any given behavior isn't an "old behavior" (ie: pre-recovery) if one's still doing it. Stuffing via denial my personal concerns isn't exactly an old behavior. Rather, it's somewhat cyclical. Lately though, some older personal concerns keep gnawing at me and new ones are trying to exert dominance. I can't really talk openly about any of them, not now anyway.

I don't write about personal issues much any more. Maybe the sense of possibly being monitored by Big Brother makes me a tad paranoid. It's not like there's much true online anonymity left anymore, right? Then again, fifteen years ago, deep down in The Vault of Internet Eventualities a voice whispered, softly at first. Now that voice bellows and bears Louisville sluggers made of website TOS agreements and government legislation, all while sporting a Wal-Mart clearance aisle halo and a used-car-salesman smile...

"Be your true self," The Voice sweetly hisses. "But don't forget to share your most intimate details. We're friends, you and me. Good friends don't keep secrets. You do want to be my friend, right? What's your full legal name? Where do you live, work and play, and with whom? What's in your fridge? By the way, you're nearly out of toilet paper."

Oh gee thanks, creepy, intrusive harvester of too much information! Have your analytic algorithms determined my overall net worth? Do I make the cut? The Voice booms, "NO! We want you to fill out all the fields and not just the ones with the asterisks." Oh yeah? Is that all you've got? Bite my asterisks, buddy. All of them.

Ok, it's limited confession time. Without getting into specifics, I'm ambivalent about... Aw heck. Pardon the copypasta quickie. The original conversation was intended only for family of choice.

...many of you already know the background behind "fugitive247" and why I've fought for more than 15 years to maintain some modicum of personal anonymity online.

Folks, I'm simultaneously excited and near-panic stricken about the inevitability of having to publicly display my full name anywhere online. TOS registration matters not withstanding, this transition is being fueled for professional reasons. Before anyone suggests it, no, I have zero intention of starting brand new profiles on any of the services where I'm already registered.

Perhaps my biggest source of gut-gnawing apprehension is having to reconcile within myself the fact that I absolutely refuse to sanitize thousands of posts in which I mention specific 12 step recovery programs. I won't do it because it's disingenuous, period. As fugitive247, have I not developed some sense of credible transparency? Conversely, I sure don't want to publicly make myself appear, either as fugitive247 or Chris "Whomever," as a self-appointed representative of any anonymity based recovery resource. My ego really isn't that big, friends. =)

Why is this such a big deal to me? Mainly because I value Tradition Eleven. It's kind of doubtful that it's soon going to be amended to include internet as one of the venues which merits the maintenance of personal anonymity. Still, this is an example of how sometimes it's a hassle to have been in recovery since before ever going online and using a single nom de guerre the whole time, and certainly prior to the existence of social media. So modern internet convention now pretty much demands from me a degree compliance if I am to make continued progress in the Big Room. Will this make me a recovery sellout? Honestly, I'm working hard to quit judging myself harshly on this one matter, therefore others' critical opinions about this transition (which are really none of my business anyway) will likely amount to zilch in my book. I mean seriously, it's not like anyone's going to be able to repo my recovery... Just for today.

The Spirituality of Whatever

Not so long ago on Facebook:

"This status update serves as tangible support to the concept that employing the strategy of "Whatever" can be spiritually sound. It beats behaving like a complete asshole. Whatever."

---

Often interpreted as a dismissive retort, there is a certain spirituality in exercising this principle. In doing so, the intent may be in greater alignment with a desire for peace, rather than to pursue an opportunity for unnecessary conflict. Recovery teaches us that humility and surrender are separate in their own rights. However, the two are conjoined as part of an overall healthier reality.

Owning My Labels

This manifesto of sorts, began as a tweaked Facebook status update re-post (02/17/2011). Due to field input limitations, it then became this note. Thanks again Dawn K., for the inspiration.

I have curves; I'm fat. On the rare occasions I do wear makeup, I might be considered fake. If I decide to get dressed up for no real reason, my motives are scrutinized. When I honestly express what's on my mind while dispensing with all the political correctness bullshit, I'm a bitch. When I cry sometimes, I'm perceived as a drama queen. I have guy friends, so that must mean I'm a slut. I stand up for myself out of self-respect, therefore I'm deemed mouthy. Seems like nobody can do anything any more without being labeled. This realistic, self actualized woman has minimized the effectiveness of what you assume is your ammunition. If I missed any other choice labels, here's your chance to take your best shot. You're encouraged first, to ask yourself if you think I really give a shit. Re-posting isn't necessary, but it's an interesting barometer of like-mindedness.

Herding Cats

Do you ever find that your interests and priorities are so scattered at times, that trying to carry out just a fraction of them seems like an exercise in futility? Organization and logical progression be damned; this is life on life's terms. Or rather, this has been my life on its own terms this winter, and it's become tiresome.

There's plenty of time management formulas which, when followed rigorously, purport the ability to turn even the most haphazard lifestyles into working models of personal efficiency. Really? On what planet? And how many random variables are taken into consideration in any given equation? Skeptical, me? You betcha.

A more sensible approach to goal setting that's frequently suggested to recovery newcomers is to compose a list of everything that person needs to accomplish. Then the list gets torn in half. This strategy aims to reduce the addict's natural propensity towards undertaking extreme all-or-nothing challenges. Sure, this initially sounds like promotion of mediocrity, but this isn't necessarily so.

In my pre-recovery life I was an administrative assistant for an OEM printing industry parts production facility. Even though the corporation itself was small, the responsibilities and skills required to ensure smooth operation were not. This fueled my perfectionist tendencies into the stratosphere for several years. When my disease finally rendered me unable to perform my job in a satisfactory manner, it was a severe blow to my ego. Addiction had reduced me from being The Hustle, to becoming The Hustled.

More about that another time, perhaps. Suffice it to say that the transition demanded learning certain truths regarding surrender, humility, and other things. My previous vocation didn't define me, but it played an integral role in who I was to become.

Back in 1995, a smart ol' coot in the rooms of the Capitol Beltway area, used to lay upon us all manner of knowledge. One of these gems from Tommy D. was that those of us who've been given this gift of recovery will often find ourselves having both a vocation and an avocation. As he explained it, one's vocation is what pays the bills, and one's avocation is the job that pays the soul. Over the course of many years, the lines between what I consider to be my vocation and avocation continue to be inextricably knit together, and I love it. So, what does any of this have to do with herding cats? /me snickers...

33 hours later...

Yesterday, having reached our limits of being home-bound by recent nasty weather, this family's HCIC (a.k.a Head Cats In Charge) decided that an outing was way overdue. Much to our relief and delight, travel to the far away land of West Plains was safe, pleasant, and relatively uneventful. Operative phrase: relatively uneventful. Of course challenges popped up before even leaving the house...

While walking to the car the youngest kitten falls into a patch of loose soil, moistened by the still melting snow. Yuck! Doggone it, her cute new outfit was fresh from the dryer less than an hour ago. No worries, we're going to the park first anyway, and we can pick her up another outfit before going to supper.

At the halfway point of Koshkonong ("Kosh" to us locals) Tween Kitten states that he's so hungry he's going to eat his brand new issue of Highlights. Naturally, Teen Kitten quickly falls into lock-step, and the two begin chanting for food. If Toddler Kitten hadn't been snoring, she too would've joined the conspiracy. We pull off in search of elusive, tasty, dairy-free units of sustenance. Finding safe food on-the-go for someone with severe dietary allergies, can be harder than one might assume. Also, it's downright scary when those whose vocation involves preparing food for others have zero clue what the ingredients are in those foods.

This illustrates a point that the concept of herding cats can represent both physical entities (people) and situations. Evolve, adapt, or die, kids. The world doesn't go on hold to accommodate a select few, no matter how valid the need. Choose the cats to be herded carefully, and be ready when necessary to spent time on unforeseen complications. Roughly an hour was lost as three fresh hamburgers were cooked, then consumed by the kittens.

A few hours later we managed to make it to a long overdue meeting. I was asked to read the Just For Today meditation. That's when it hit me, busy Mom Cat who's usually got more cats to herd than opportunities to enjoy a saucerful of milk sans interruption, that the trappings of life can become stressful as hell when I forget to simply live in the moment. ♥ =)